Updates

First, my apologies for not having posted since Friday.  As you know, I am a new daddy of twins, so when things go down, they really go down!  Since the birth of our amazing miracle babies, my wife and I have had an interesting time getting the twins on a schedule and restoring some semblance of order to our lives.  We recently encountered a slight kink in our plans that would throw things off quite a bit.

Babies grow and get fat… it’s kinda what babies do best (besides look cute of course!)  My wife has an old sports-related injury in her wrist which was diagnosed as Tendinitis a while back.  Apparently, holding babies aggrivates the area quite a bit.  Last week, we decided to take her to an orthpedic specialist who recommended that she get surgery.  It’s actually not a very big deal physically, but it does put quite a bit of stress on our day-to-day operations at home.  This means I’m taking on more feeds and sleeping a little less, but we’re making it work somehow!

This experience has been a humbling one.  I’ve realized a lot about myself, my limits, my strengths and my areas of opportunity (that’s marketing fluff for “Flaws”!)  At the crux of it all, however, one thing holds true: I have been blessed with a wife who is extremely supportive and patient.  Even with her physical limitations, she has been able to pick up some of the slack in other areas, and for this I am extremely grateful!  I’ve begun to realize how easy it is to take these things for granted in life.  This is definitely a well-timed revelation so close to Valentine’s day.  I will keep you in the loop on how well I follow through with this “Eureka” moment I am having.

Meanwhile, I’ve begun the process of rehosting the New Daddy Chronicles site.  I’ve finally decided to buy my own domain and will keep you all posted on when I officially make that switch.  I am working to make the transition as seemless as possible, so stay tuned to further updates.  As is always the case around this time, time to feed babies!

Friday’s Daddy Resource Writeup

Sticking with my agenda, today’s Helpful Daddy Resource is one that turns “Daddyhood” into an awesome social networking experience.  Dad Blogs is a Social Network unlike any I’ve ever seen.  Imagine having one place where you can Network with other dads, read a wide array of Dad Blogs, Follow Twitter Feeds, and Share videos and photos.

I stumbled on this site during a late night Twitter session and have been following its blog for about a week now.  This evening, I’ve finally created an account.  If you’ve read last week’s Daddy Resource Writeup, you know how important I think it is for sites to keep current with cutting edge technology.  Dad blogs has taken the Web 2.0 concept to a whole new level and has created a haven where Dads can feel as though they are a part of something much bigger than their own circumstances.  To quote the creators of Dad Blogs:

“Both of the creators of DB were tired of browsing through parenting blogs and being assaulted with page after page of feminine ad campaigns and badges for mom blogging networks without ever seeing a male alternative.”

I was shocked by how closely this statement mirrored my own observations of last week’s Daddy Resource.  The creators of Dad Blogs clearly have their thumbs on the pulse of today’s Dad.  From New Dads to Old Dads, Geek Dads to Jock Dads, Executive Dads to Stay-At-Home Dads it’s all covered!  I will give you a quick synopsis of this social networking gem:

• Directory of Dad Blogs- Every member of this site has a voice to share… whether they choose to exercise that voice is up to them.  Upon signing up for an account, each member is required to provide the URL to their Dad Blog.  It’s amazing to see all the different topics that Dads across this Network have chosen to blog about.  They’re like snowflakes!!!
• Profiles- Each member has their own customizable profile.  This is beyond just the usual “tell us about yourself” but is more along the lines of something you would see on Facebook.  There are apps to choose from where you can pick and choose the features of your profiles: There’s an RSS App that will pick up your recent blog postings;  a Twitter App that will display your Twitter feed; Videos, Photos, heck there’s even a Wall!
• Groups- The site has a host of Groups to choose from where you can meet other dads with similar situations, interests, and backgrounds.
• Official Dad Blog- The official blog for Dad Blog is not ony informative, but well written and entertaining!
• Communal Blog- This is a unique feature to the site whereby members of the site can choose to be bloggers on the Dad Blog and submit their own content!
• Forums- The forums here cover some great topics.  Among my favorites is Show Off Your Blog, where members will post the URL to their blogs for others to critique and help enhance.
• Chat- There is also an area where you can chat live with other online members!
• Contests!- There are already two contests on this site, one being the Dad Blogs Kickoff Contest, where the winner gets $100! The other is a Valentines Day Contest where 5 Winners will receive a $70 Gift Certificate to an online flower shop!

This is the Mac-Daddy of Daddy Resources.  I urge any dad out there to set themselves up with an account on this community.  I am a firm believer in the power of social networking and Dad Blogs is the perfect Social Networking Solution for all dads alike.  You can link to them by clicking on any of the links I’ve provided in this post, or you can find them on my blogroll.  If you sign up for an account you can friend me at my Dad Blogs Profile.

Our Help is Gone :(

This morning, my wife drove my mother-in-law to the airport.   We are now faced with the realization that our help is gone! The ramp-up process of adjusting back to our original tag team schedule (where much less sleep is involved) has been a brutal one, but we should get back into the swing of it over the next couple of days.

We will hopefully not have to endure this for too much longer as we are currently in the process of interviewing nannies… there will be a future blog post on this experience once we’ve found the right person for the job.  In the meantime, I am exhausted!  For those of you who follow me on Twitter, you know that I can usually be found Tweeting during the overnight baby shift.  Seeing as how this is in a couple of hours, I will be ending this post and catching some much needed Z’s.

Stay tuned for Friday’s Daddy Resource Writeup!

Quality Adult Time

With my mother-in-law here for the week, my wife and I were able to go out to dinner with two of our closest friends.  As hesitant as we were to leave the kids, it was very refreshing to spend some quality time together amongst friends.  This leads me to the realization that Quality Adult Time is important not only for your mental stability, but for you marriage as well.

Chances are by now that the dynamic between you and your wife has changed dramatically now that your little one is home.  Both you and her are processing this experience each as individuals, and going through many personal changes.  It is important to connect with your wife on a personal level now more than ever.  If you do not reel it in periodically and take the time to be together, you run the risk of growing apart.

A challenge that many may face is doing things for their spouse in a way that they will truly appreciate.  Our friends mentioned a book called The Five Love Languages that was particularly helpful to them in their marriage.  I’ve since stumbled upon some blog entries and articles centered around this concept.  Here are some helpful quotes that speak to the heart of this topic:

This first quote is from a blog post titled “What’s your love language?” by Christina Huffman, a blogger for Families.com’s Christian Blog

“The first couple of years of marriage were somewhat confusing for my husband and I. I would plan elaborate meals to show my husband that I loved him, while he would have preferred to go out and rake leaves together. Sometimes I longed for him to be more romantic. Meanwhile he was in the kitchen washing dishes, thinking of himself as the king of romance. What was our problem? The problem was that we didn’t know each other’s love language.”

This next quote is from a blog entry titled: Speaking your Wife’s Language by Rich Andrews on Families.com’s Fathers Blog

“Many people have more than one love language. They might still need kind words of affirmation and encouragement in addition to receiving gifts, and spending quality time together. Don’t neglect other aspects of the relationship. Men can really have tunnel vision when it come s to relationships. It is important to remember to stay in touch with the “emotional pulse” of both your spouse and your kids. Talk with them in the morning. Call them, email them, or text them at lunch time. If you do stay in touch, you’re less likely to endure a blowup at home that you have no idea what it is about.”

Here is my advice for making the most of your quality time together:

1. Find out each other’s Love Language.  Each of you should Take the Quiz to get started.
2. Discuss the results together.  You will find out things about your wife’s needs that you never realized needed to be addressed!
3. Find a babysitter and go out to dinner.  Make this the first day that you put this new knowledge into practice!

Friday’s Daddy Resource Writeup

I’ve decided to reserve my Fridays for writeups on helpful Daddy Links.

This week’s helpful Daddy Resource comes from the official Similac Baby Formula website. They’ve got a great Tips and Advice page for dads, but good luck trying to find it in the midst of all the Mommy propaganda!  This site is oozing with Mommy material! Now while I’m sure that targeting Mommy is the safest advertising approach, in this day and age you would think that they wouldn’t just cut out Dads like that.  Thier trademark slogan and program is “StrongMoms.” I mean seriously, guys, I know that being a Daddy is a thankless job but StrongMoms??? Wouldn’t the more reasonable approach have been StrongBabies?  In this day and age, you can’t afford to cut out an entire emerging population of “involved fathers.”  According to a US Census Bureau press release, about 25% of preschoolers receive childcare from their fathers.  Might be a good time to update the old advertising plan there!

The resource itself has some pretty good stuff posted by dads for dads, although there is no RSS feed which essentially renders this site useless to me.  As a father of twins, there is too little time in my day to go visiting a laundry list of websites looking to see if there is an update posted, I want the information coming in just as fast as my World News.  I don’t want to come across as bashing the Similac site, because I really think this is a helpful resource, but as a Techie with a Business degree, I can’t help but have an opinion on these two fronts.

My take-away tip from this site was a tip on bathing your infant.  If your little one does not enjoy the bathing experience yet, try washing their hair last (I’ll make a slight modification and say just before washing their privates and rear.)  We all know that most of our body heat escapes from our noggins, so saving it for last will minimize your baby’s discomfort early on.  Thanks for the tip!

So bonus points to Similac for not only providing a helpful Tips and Advice page for Dads, but for providing one whose content is posted by dads for dads.  I’m subtracting points for its gender-biased advertising campaign and failure to get with the times of Web2.0.  At least get an RSS feed up there guys!

Taking more time off

I must confess, I was really excited to go back to work. I had made the transition to a somewhat more steady evening sleep routine and was ready to get back into action when a major bomb was dropped on us. Our childcare arrangements fell through and we now find ourselves back at square one. Although this came as a major upset for us, we continue to remind ourselves that this is how our life must be now. We have to embrace this new life of flexibility and unpredictability.

The good news is that I am protected by the Family Medical Leave Act (FMLA) and that I am legally entitled to 12 weeks (unpaid) time off. I will only be taking an additional 4 weeks which will make it a grand total of 7 weeks for me. I’m shocked at how quickly my wife and I came to the decision… we usually deliberate and argue over these things for much longer. It’s interesting to see the evolution that has taken place between us in such a short amount of time.

Well, the Nanny search begins tomorrow. Although I might still one day consider the Stay at Home Dad option, now is not that time.

Long Posts = Bad Posts

Okay, so I’ve realized after looking at my recent posts that they have become ridiculously long.  So first let me apologize to those of you with WebA.D.D.  I remember when one of my friends started his blog, my recommendation to him was to not always post such long entries… well, it’s about time that I take my own advice on that one! So, this will be short and sweet.

This blog is evolving as I go.  I like writing on topics based on my experiences throughout this journey into fatherhood, but this blog has much more room for growth.   As a change, I will be posting some shorter entries in additions to some of the longer ones as well as pictures and videos etc.  If you have any tips, links, or info please feel free to email at newdaddychronicles@gmail.com

The Stay At Home Dad

So as I’ve taken the past two weeks off of work and have one more to go, I’m reflecting on the overall need at home and how work and family tie in to each other.  An idea that keeps working its way into my thoughts is the concept of being a Stay At Home Dad.  I’m not saying that I’m going to make an emotionally charged decision and outright quit my job, but seeing what has to happen around here and how little time my wife has to run her business (the larger portion of our income), it’s certainly something to consider.  So at the sake of getting very personal (hey, this is MY blog!) I’m going to list my initial thoughts on the matter.  If anyone with Stay at Home Dad experience is reading this and has any comments, please enlighten me!

The numbers: So I was able to dig up a little analysis that was used on the At Home Dad Newsletter.  It’s really interesting to think about the decision from a numbers perspective.  So here’s the analysis as done by an at-home dad named David Chapa of Downers Grove, IL:

“Put together a simple spreadsheet. Daycare for two kids, nine hours a day at, what, $10 an hour?  That’s $450 a week, times, say 50 weeks in a work year. That amounted to  $22,500. OK, now you need a more dependable car for work. $350 a month, plus additional insurance, plus the extra gas (not even getting into wear and tear depreciation). That ends up to be about $5k a year. Dress business clothes?  Another $1,000 a year. Lunch at work?  Even if you only spend $3 a day extra, that’s $750 a year. According to my calculations, that’s about $29,000. Not to mention additional medical expenses, sick days, and all of the other “throw your kids in daycare” costs. But wait, there’s more!  If you’re spending $29,000, just to go to work, you need to make another $11k, just to pay the federal, state, and local taxes to bring home $29,000. ($40,000 per year, taxed at .28% = $28,800 take home). So, it costs around $40,000 in pre-tax dollars, just to break even, when sending two kids into childcare, just so you can “go to work.” As always, your mileage may vary. Then, add in the social expense of having your children raised by strangers.

So there you have it! When you do the cost benefit analysis, it really makes a strong argument for becoming a Stay At Home Dad.  subtract this from what you’re currently making at work and you’ll know what kind of a hit you’ll be taking and what kind of income you’ll need to supplement if at all.

The Job: What does it mean to be a Stay At Home Dad?  What’s the job description? Does it mean that you inherit all the house work? I’m not sure if there is a clear cut job description, but I’ve found a pretty good article on adjusting to housework from a great Stay At Home Dad resource. It seems as though housework kinda comes with the territory when you’ve been dubbed the official Stay-At-Home parent.

The Perception: As much as I shouldn’t care about what others think, often times I do.  I’ve always been the one to do my own thing either way, but there are many people in my life who volunteer their opinions nonetheless.  My concern would be more with continuously having to justify my decision to the people I interact with on a more regular basis than to the overall perception by the rest of the world.  At some point that would just get overbearing and might strain relationships.  I’m sure that SAHD’s around the country have encountered the same frustration, it’s be great to see how that was overcome (if at all.)

The Impact: As I’ve mentioned before, my wife runs her own business.  Hers is not one of the brick and mortar variety.  She is able to do her job mostly from home with the exception of client visits and consultations, etc.  I’ve struggled with the fact that she is physically at home most of the day, and we’ve done our fair share of arguing over the fact that she should be able to get it all done due to her physical availability in our home.  I’ve realized after seeing how her business has taken a hit that her time at home isn’t always really time at home.  I now understand the need for supplemental help around here, as my wife cannot continue to manage the home, and continue her successful career.  I recognize the impact that having me around would have in the overall environment here.  That in itself appeals to me very much.

The Outlets: So I’m a man of many outlets.  I’m all about having a place to discharge the cell after its been overloaded.  You know how in Ghostbusters they had that little trap that they would catch the ghost in, and once they got back to the firehouse they would release the contents of the trap into the Ecto-Containment unit? Well I value the Ecto-Containment units of this world.  I feel that outlets are very important in maintaining one’s composure.  My concern is twofold: First, I love what I do.  For me, work is an outlet.  Without that in my life, a large piece of my identity will have been eliminated.  Secondly, as is the case with any parent, the job is neverending.  My concern that with round the clock Daddiness, I will not have the ability to be involved in any of the other outlets I rely on.  With no Ecto-Containment unit, I just might explode!

The Time Frame: So I guess the next logical concern is timeframe.  I’m not quite sure how long the average Stay At Home Dad holds that title before he’s released back into the job pool.  I would guess that a reasonable time to return to work would be once the children are in school.  So I guess, if I were to take on this monumental task, it’s entirety might fit into my five year plan! I’m not sure what changes happen in the life of a Stay At Home Dad once he commits himself to the position.  Does the job ever end?

The Aftermath: What happens after all said and done? I can imagine it to be a difficult transition back into the “traditional” way of doing things.  How do you keep skills sharp over such a span of years and still be a competitive candidate for future job opportunities?  Do you find yourself back at square one, wondering where to start? Or have your interests changed so much after so long that you no longer desire the same career path?

I guess there are still so many things left to ponder on this issue.

Buy in Bulk!!!

As I’m loading the wipee container for the 12th time this week and wondering where all the diapers have gone, I’m reminded of the importance of buying in bulk.  I’m literally going through a pack of Preemie diapers a day, and a large container of baby wipes every other day.  Now granted, I’ve got twins, but man, if we never bought in bulk, we’d be jetting over to Target every day!!!

My message for this evening is simply: BUY IN BULK!!! Save yourself from the pain of running extra errands at a time in your life when free time is scarce enough!  Load up once on the things you will go through most quickly and you’ll be able to make time for some of the other things around the house that by now may be backing up.  My recommendation is to join one of the Club stores in your area.  There will be a couple of important things to consider when selecting the Club that’s right for you:

Baby Formula: If you are feeding your little one baby formula (either as a sole method of nourishment or just as a supplement) you’ll be going through quite a bit of baby formula.  The last thing you want to do is pay a membership to join one of these clubs and find out that they don’t carry your brand of baby formula.  You’ll then have to go through the troublesome task of changing your baby’s diet, which may or may not even agree with their tummies.  Research ahead of time if the Club you wish to join carries your brand of baby formula and you’ll save yourself a rather large hassle.

Generic Diapers: If you’re torn between which Club to join and each of them carry your brand of baby formula, go for the one with the better generic diapers.  You don’t want to pay for the expensive stuff early on when your rate of consumption will be at its highest.  Do a little research and find out which brand people prefer the most out of your available options.

Proximity: Last but not least, consider proximity to home.  Although a trip to your Club Store is not as frequent as one to your local grocery store, you should consider how far from home the nearest branch will be.  You’ll be spending enough time as it is shopping for what you need (not to mention eating free samples!) so it is best to avoid a longer commute if possible.  If your options are about the same distance from home, look at how far the nearest secondary location will be, as a backup in the event of low inventory, etc.

As is the case with most things, a little research and preparation ahead of time will help you make the most out of your Club shopping experience.  No matter what option you go with, you’ll be in a much better place financially when it comes to buying the things which you will inevitably blow through as quickly as you bought them.  Be smart and shop smart!

The Schedule

It goes without saying that once your little one has arrived, life as you know it will never be the same.  Ask any new parent and they will tell you that a schedule is the most important thing to establish early on.  Coincidentally, it is one of the most difficult things to arrange for two working parents of multiples.  My wife and I have had a difficult time finding a decent schedule to put into effect, but we are getting closer every day.  The difficult part for us is that in our situation, we cannot rely on having more than one person around at any given time, so we have to stagger them so as to avoid having two hungry poopie babies at the same time.  With three to four hour blocks, this really only frees up about 30-60 minutes before you have to do it all over again!  A couple of back to back shifts is about all one person can take before wanting to throw in the towel!

Here are a few tips to take into account when working out a schedule:

Chart Everything: The first thing you should do when you bring your baby home is to create a chart that you will use to see what your baby’s routine is.  This is not only helpful for assessing your baby’s progress, but it will give you an idea of what to allot for in your schedule.  A simple schedule that includes Time of feed, Amount fed, Time of Pee, and Time of Poop will give you the essential information you need.

Be flexible: The worst thing to do is to hold on to the old way of doing things.  My wife owns her own business and works from home.  Although it is difficult to modify her way of doing business, it is something she has been forced to have to do in order to work this out.  This means more scheduled vs. impromptu conversations with clients as well as adhering to time limits on conversations with employees and clients alike.

Don’t be afraid to think outside the box: Only you will know what is within the realm of possibility for you to work into your schedule.  My company does not have a telecommuting program, however, since I am in IT, it is definitely something I am physically able to do.  After seeing how truly time consuming the next few months would be, I spoke with my manager and asked if he would be willing to let me work from home 2 days a week for the next couple of months.  He was surprisingly very open to the idea and we will be finalizing the details next week.

Think Lean: It is easy to think that you will need to accommodate all of the tasks you used to do regularly in your pre-baby days.  This is not the time to be a hero… trim out the fat! Preparing lavish meals, clearing out your Tivo library, attending your weekly poker game… these are all things that will likely need to take the back burner for a while.  Focus on your basic needs to get the job done.

Be fair but realistic: Take into account both of your most basic sleep requirements when creating your schedule.  If your wife is the stay-at-home type, this makes life a little easier, but this is not always the case in today’s home.  This is a very important time not only for your family bond, but for your marriage.  Let your lady know that you are willing to be a hands on dad, and meet her as close to half-way as is possible… this will not only score you major points, but will spare you lots of headaches down the line.

Approach this as a team: At the sake of making a rediculously lame analogy, think of your baby as the football.  You and your wife have to get this kid to the end zone.  Out on the field, all you’ve got is your team.  There are times where you’ll have to block the tackle for your wife and times where she’ll save you from the oncoming blitz.  A team works together to get the touchdown and there are constant split decisions and judgement calls you have to make along the way.  Whether you run it or pass it, your team needs to be working off of the same playbook.  As long as you get that playbook down and work together as a team, the rest will fall into place.

Remember that this is only temporary:  I’ve had about twenty people use the words: “This too shall pass” and although I hate cliche’s… it will!!! Don’t allow the enormity of this monumental change to overwhelm you with thoughts like: “It’s all over…sigh.”  Just remember that while it is very different, it is also very temporary.  Your baby will get older, eat more with less frequency and sleep longer.  Just keep it together until that day comes!