With my mother-in-law here for the week, my wife and I were able to go out to dinner with two of our closest friends. As hesitant as we were to leave the kids, it was very refreshing to spend some quality time together amongst friends. This leads me to the realization that Quality Adult Time is important not only for your mental stability, but for you marriage as well.
Chances are by now that the dynamic between you and your wife has changed dramatically now that your little one is home. Both you and her are processing this experience each as individuals, and going through many personal changes. It is important to connect with your wife on a personal level now more than ever. If you do not reel it in periodically and take the time to be together, you run the risk of growing apart.
A challenge that many may face is doing things for their spouse in a way that they will truly appreciate. Our friends mentioned a book called The Five Love Languages that was particularly helpful to them in their marriage. I’ve since stumbled upon some blog entries and articles centered around this concept. Here are some helpful quotes that speak to the heart of this topic:
This first quote is from a blog post titled “What’s your love language?” by Christina Huffman, a blogger for Families.com’s Christian Blog
“The first couple of years of marriage were somewhat confusing for my husband and I. I would plan elaborate meals to show my husband that I loved him, while he would have preferred to go out and rake leaves together. Sometimes I longed for him to be more romantic. Meanwhile he was in the kitchen washing dishes, thinking of himself as the king of romance. What was our problem? The problem was that we didn’t know each other’s love language.”
This next quote is from a blog entry titled: Speaking your Wife’s Language by Rich Andrews on Families.com’s Fathers Blog
“Many people have more than one love language. They might still need kind words of affirmation and encouragement in addition to receiving gifts, and spending quality time together. Don’t neglect other aspects of the relationship. Men can really have tunnel vision when it come s to relationships. It is important to remember to stay in touch with the “emotional pulse” of both your spouse and your kids. Talk with them in the morning. Call them, email them, or text them at lunch time. If you do stay in touch, you’re less likely to endure a blowup at home that you have no idea what it is about.”
Here is my advice for making the most of your quality time together:
- Find out each other’s Love Language. Each of you should Take the Quiz to get started.
- Discuss the results together. You will find out things about your wife’s needs that you never realized needed to be addressed!
- Find a babysitter and go out to dinner. Make this the first day that you put this new knowledge into practice!
